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THERAPY THURSDAY | Dealing with trauma

Licensed marriage and family therapist Jack Burke explores some of the factors that help us survive and even thrive in the aftermath of traumatic events.
Credit: NEWS CENTER Maine
Jack Burke shows that he means business by holding his hands up during a Therapy Thursday segment

PORTLAND (NEWS CENTER Maine) -- You’ve probably heard the phrase, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Licensed marriage and family therapist Jack Burke says it turns out, that’s true depending on certain factors.

It’s probably safe to say that most people experience trauma to some degree at some point in their lives. Burke says our response to trauma is the important part. He makes the following points:

  1. Events do not cause trauma. It is our reaction to events that become problematic. Of people who are directly exposed to a traumatic event only 20% will develop PTSD or other pathology. Some professionals, in television interviews, claimed that the soccer players who got trapped in that cave in Thailand would be deeply traumatized. I'm not so sure. These boys had a guiding coach, each other and a spiritual practice. Unlike other cultures, once they were out, they had more doctors than lawyers. As couples and parents we have to be careful not to compare experiences. The criticism, "You're letting that bother you!" is just another way of shutting someone down. Perception is individual.
  2. Aloneness makes trauma worse. Having a group, a tribe, a family makes a world of difference. The Thai boys had each other and were returned to others who cared about them. When kids ran out of the Florida High School where the mass shooting took place earlier this year directly into the arms of caring families, the pain was shared. We worry most about the already depressed, the anxious and those who feel alone in the world. Children who have been abused are especially at risk.
  3. Hope is armor. People with an optimistic belief system survive better. When we teach our kids and each other that there are always possibilities, they have more protection. So I believe we should nurture the heck out of curiosity. It leads directly to hope.

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